Well yes, 41 external links really is a lot.
First, a page should not go to far over 100 links, so 41 external links most likely means you're above the limit for the total amount.
Then, it's all a matter of equilibrium.
Links given to a sub domain of yours linking back to the main domain doesn't seem to matter as much as a true external links, at least it's giving back to you, but still.
To me 10 external links per page is already a lot.
But it as well depend on the content, an article that would present a website with many links to it's different sections would not be as bad as a link list in a footer, this is for sure.
What is for sure too is that basic link exchange page, listing all the website linking to you is not a very good solution either.
The best I think to link back is to do it from our best related pages, where it can both please bots and users. No one really need a link per page on a domain, but rather links from good and related pages in a domain.
Since as you all noticed, Google won't grab more than few backlinks from a given domain even though the links appears on all pages.
As well, too many external links will hurt more the home page than other ones IMHO.